Ask The Pastor

January 16, 2007

> Question:
>
> I joined a UPC church 9 years ago. I then married someone who was
> raised in the church and whose father is a prominent and very
> knowledgeable bible teacher. I've come to see the fallacy of many UPC
> doctrines, even to the point of convincing myself that the UPC is a
> cult. I've attempted to discuss some of the standard issues and other
> doctrinal points with my wife, but she always refers me to her dad
> because she can't refute what I say. When I mentioned visiting a
> non-UPC church, she said we'd divorce if I go anywhere else. How can I
> change her view? It's strange that people who so strongly preach
> godliness would be so adamantly opposed to someone seeking after God.
> Thanks in advance.

Brad,

Your eyes are being opened. I understand too well not being able to discuss this with your wife. I went through the same thing. My wife was raised Pentecostal. I was a convert.

Of course she can't refute what you are sharing with her. Her dad is her dad. She is very unlikely to go against her father's wishes. (At least, not at this point.)

Brother, your wife is a Pentecostal by culture. This is the only world she knows. To even think of going to a different church is something that would never enter her mind. (At this point.) This is where the 'divorce' issue is coming from.

You cannot change her view. Only the Lord can do that. But you can use wisdom.

Let me share from my own experience. Like you, I tried to convince my wife of certain Bible teachings. (Her dad was also a UPC pastor.) The Lord spoke to me and said, "You are her problem. If you would leave her alone, I could work with her." (A near quote from an impression He placed on my heart.)

So I backed off entirely. Not long afterwards Betty came into the kitchen where I was drinking coffee. She had her Bible open, and said, 'Honey, look at what the Lord showed me.' It was a truth that I had longed for her to see.

So you see Brad, you cannot do the Lord's work. You can pray and simply yield all this to the Lord. He loves your wife. The Lord knows that she is caught up in unhealthy doctrines. And He is going to see you and her do a victory in all this. Let him guide you in the process. Do what the Lord said to David, 'Relax and let go.'

Brother, may I make a suggestion. I serve as host on a special 'protected' email forum for people who are struggling over UPC doctrines. Go to this site: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DepartingUPC/.

I want to encourage you to subscribe. We have over 100 members who will identify with where you are. However to subscribe you will need to complete the questionnaire in full. It is confidential. We use some of it to introduce a new member to the group. DepartingUPC is well supervised. Membership is carefully selected.

Let me know if I can help you further.

The Lord bless you,

Buddy

Bro. Buddy Martin - Ask the Pastor

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Lawrence "Buddy" Martin
email: Bro.Buddy@ChristianChallenge.org
Web: http://www.ChristianChallenge.org